Sorry for the blunt headline, but truth is truth and the F-word applies. Electronic Arts, a company long-known for concocting new ways to screw gamers, has outdone themselves with their latest scheme. Slowly pull down your pants, drop your drawers and spread your cheeks, because EA has a huge, throbbing, digital shaft it would like to insert, sans lube.

The new F-You to gamers comes in the form of Online Pass. Here’s the deal. When you buy a used EA game, you will only be able to try multiplayer for a 7-day trial. If you would like to continue after 7 days, EA wants you pay an additional $10. This is EA’s horrible attempt to squeeze more money out of used games because, apparently, the initial retail price wasn’t enough.

I think I speak for all gamers when I say, “Fuck you, EA.” A little more nonsense like this and the industry will soon find itself regulated by the government.

Here is the latest EA FAQ on the matter:

How do I unlock my Online Pass access code?
When you connect online with your new EA SPORTS game for the first time, you’ll be prompted to confirm your EA account details.  If you don’t already have an EA account, you’ll be asked to accept our Online Terms and Conditions and then create an account.  After confirming or creating your account, a screen will appear that enables you to redeem your Online Pass code.

If you haven’t already enabled Online Pass, when you try to access an online feature in your game, you will be prompted to enter your code.  If you do not have a code, you may purchase Online Pass access from within the game.  If you’re not sure online is for you, you can enjoy a temporary free trial before purchasing access.

Where do I find the Online Pass access code?
The code is on the back of the manual inside your game.  When you open the package, you’ll see the game disc on the right.  On the left you will find the game manual along with other printed material.  Flip the manual over, and you’ll see the code at the top of the back page.

If I have a used game, how will I know if the access code that came with the game still works?
Your Online Pass code comes with the original retail purchase of the game.  If the original consumer of the game did not use the Online Pass code, the second-hand consumer may use that code.

Does one Online Pass give me online access to all EA SPORTS titles?
In order to access online features and bonus content for a specific title, you need to activate or purchase Online Pass for each title.  A code to activate Online Pass is found on the back of the manual of each EA SPORTS title purchased new.

How do I buy online access or get a code if I do not have a one or my code has already been used?
If you have purchased a new game, your code is printed on the back of the manual included inside your game packaging.  If you have purchased a used game and the code originally included has already been activated, you will need to purchase EA SPORTS Online Pass access from within your game by choosing PURCHASE ONLINE ACCESS from the Code Redemption screen.

Can I buy my code from ea.com or is it only available via Microsoft and Sony?
An Online Pass needs to be purchased through Xbox LIVE Marketplace or PlayStation®Store.  You can purchase Online Pass access from within your game by choosing PURCHASE ONLINE ACCESS from the Code Redemption screen.

How do I unlock my code once I buy it?
If you have a code for EA SPORTS Online Pass access, you will be prompted to enter the code when you access an online feature in your game.  If you have purchased online access from within your game, you do not need to enter a code.

Do I still need to buy an Xbox LIVE gold subscription to use online features?
Yes, multiplayer online game modes require an Xbox LIVE Gold subscription for gamers playing on Xbox 360 consoles.

What online features will work if I don’t subscribe to Xbox LIVE Gold?
You will be able to enjoy all the offline content of your game and will be able to download other items from the in-game store.  You will be unable to play multiplayer online game modes or use your downloaded content in online game modes.

Excluding multiplayer online gameplay, some online features, on a game-by-game basis may be available for use without a Gold subscription.

What happens if my console dies or is lost or stolen?
If you have already redeemed the code from your game manual or purchased Online Pass access, you will be able to access online features from any console using the same Xbox 360 gamer tag or Playstation3 persona.  You may need to go to the ‘my downloaded content’ section in Xbox LIVE Marketplace or PSN Store to re-download your EA SPORTS Online Pass.

Can I still buy downloadable content without activation of an Online Pass?
Yes.  If you do not have Xbox LIVE Gold access, you will only be able to use downloadable content in offline game modes.

Can I still get free downloadable game add-ons?
Yes, you may still download game add-ons such as EA Sports Ultimate Team (when applicable).   However, if you do not have Xbox LIVE Gold access or EA SPORTS Online Pass access, you will only be able to use downloadable content in offline game modes.

What if I’m not connected to the Internet?
An internet connection is required to activate the Online Pass and to gain access to bonus content.

Do I need to purchase an Online Pass when I rent a game?
Each Xbox LIVE gamertag or Sony PSN ID is entitled to a free 7 day trial per title.  Beyond that, users will be required to redeem or purchase Online Pass access.

Do I need an unique Online Pass for every user on my console?
No.  One Online Pass will give online access to multiple users logged into the console where the Online Pass was first activated (subject to the console manufacturer’s and EA online terms of service).

Also, the user that activated the Online Pass will be allowed to access online features on other consoles (of the same manufacturer) by logging into the same account credentials that they used when they enabled the Online Pass.

What happens if I play at a friend’s console?
If you have purchased Online Pass access or redeemed a code for free access on one console, you can use your access on any other console.  To do so, sign in using your Xbox LIVE gamertag or PSN ID persona on your friend’s console when playing online.

Electronic Arts has thrown down the gauntlet for racing games on the iPad with Need for Speed Shift, an excellent portable version of their long-standing franchise that is superior to all other handhelds, including the Sony PSP and Apple iPhone. Thanks to the increased processing capacity of the Apple iPad, Need for Speed Shift presents super-fast visuals and a wonderful sense of speed and handling, two factors made all the more impressive thanks to the iPad’s tilt sensor that allows the player to grip the device like a steering wheel.

If you already have the excellent iPhone version of Need for Speed Shift then you’ll be happy to know the iPad version has several additional features that take the sting out of buying a fresh copy for a new platform. Besides the increased visuals and larger screen size, you’ll find eight new cars, physics-based acceleration and several manual control options that increase the difficulty for experience players.

Everything about the iPad version of Need for Speed Shift has been upgraded in one way or another, including car models and the visuals depicting car interiors. Cityscapes have much more detail, which helps create a more realistic atmosphere, an impressive accomplishment given the overall sense of the speed the game accomplishes.

There is no shortage of game options to keep you occupied, including normal races, drifting, sprints and elimination events, all taking place in four different cities. Like previous version of Need for Speed Shift, your skills as a driver will be graded in two key areas: precision and aggression, with each category earning you points towards a level up. After you have leveled, you will have increased access to new cars and more powerful upgrades.

No matter your skill level, there are tons of driving options that allow the player to customize their experience. For instance, you can turn off braking and acceleration assists and perform these duties manually, which really enhances the atmosphere of the game, as well as offering much better control of your car. When opting to use manual controls the player will have to tap the brake icon to slow down and even manually shift the transmission if you’re an expert.

So Need for Speed Shift is a packed and loaded game, offering rich visuals and tons of options. What’s missing? Well, I would have loved to see some kind of true multiplayer matchmaking, as that would greatly enhance the longevity of the game. As it stands now, you can play multiplayer locally over WiFi, but that has limited appeal for a very small group of gamers. Hopefully, when Apple rolls out their new Xbox-Live-like multiplayer service in OS 4.0, this aspect of gaming on the iPad and iPhone will get a much-needed shot in the arm, allowing it to easily leap-frog over the Nintendo DS and Sony PSP capabilities.

With its 18 tracks, detailed visuals, sense of speed and tons of options, Need for Speed Shift is an excellent first-gen iPad game that really shows off the platform. At $14.99, Need for Speed Shift is one of the more expensive titles on iTunes but it’s worth the price tag if you have a special place in your heart for racing games.

Final Score: 5/5

Buy Need for Speed Shift for iPad on iTunes

There are only a handful of games that have the stamina to make the transition from platform to platform, no matter the year, the decade or the technology involved. Games like Pac-Man, Dragon’s Lair and, yes, the legendary Tetris represent a short-list of games that usually make an early appearance. It’s as if these games legitimize a new technology, in some ways representing a place of comfort and familiarity. The iPad already has a version of Pac-Man and Dragon’s Lair can’t be far behind, so that leaves us with the multi-platform king, Tetris, originally created by the legendary Alexey Pazhitnov in 1984.

I imagine a whole new generation of players will be exposed to Tetris for the first time and the iPad version is a great place to start, thanks to the great touch-controls and slick presentation. If you’re new to Tetris, then have no fear, as the game is great at introducing you to key concepts and easing you into the mix. What makes Tetris such a long-standing classic is its simple, yet challenging concept: rotating and placing bricks so a horizontal line is formed at the bottom of the playfield. A simple objective made difficult because bricks come in all sizes and shapes, forcing the player to rotate shapes for a better fit. The more bricks you can clear from the board, the more points you score.

Tetris for iPad, which sells for a very reasonable price at $7.99, offers 3 solid modes of play, including two standards in Quick Play and Marathon. Magic mode is a new game type that really changes the style of Tetris, allowing the player to impose his or her will on the board by using five different power-ups in Wrecking Ball, Bubble Wrap and Magic Crayon, Minimizer and Smashdown. Magic Mode is an excellent addition and one that really changes the nature of the game, but purists will be with content with the standard modes.

Tetris for iPad is beautifully designed with bright, crisp graphics that really pop off the iPad screen. Plenty of varied musical tracks (which includes the original Tetris tracks!) accompany the game, though a really nice feature is the ability to use your music library as a soundtrack from within Tetris, one of the few games that allows this kind of custom access. You’ll find no shortage of options as well, including flipping the controls for left-handed gamers and two completely different control schemes, depending upon your tastes. Players can opt to simply tap the edges of the screen and employ a few swipes to easily move and spin the descending bricks, or one can opt to use a virtual D-Pad for more of an old-school feeling. I found tapping the screen worked best for me after a little practice, though your mileage may vary.

From top-to-bottom, Tetris for iPad is loaded with greatness, making it one of the better versions of the classic puzzler currently available. If I had to complain about one thing it would be the lack of a global leaderboard, a feature I hope can be introduced down the road. However, this is a small omission in the grand scheme of things. If you own an iPad and you love Tetris, then you’ll find your $7.99 well-spent on a game that will reward you for months, if not years, to come.

Final Score: 5/5

Buy Tetris for iPad at iTunes

Word is spreading that Electronic Arts is contemplating a lawsuit against South Park Studios for its recent parody of Tiger Woods 11, wherein Tiger is repeatedly beat senseless by his golf-club wielding wife. According to Daily Informer, an inside source at EA said:

“Soon after the airing of the episode the top beef were called in, even Peter Moore was informed of the situation… before the episode aired the marketing folks were already worried, but now they have a lot more to worry about. While I personally found the episode quite funny, there are definitely a few copyright infringements in there that I’m sure will be dealt with accordingly.”

One little problem about this potential lawsuit, besides the immense bad will it would create in gamers, is that South Park is protected under parody laws. EA wouldn’t be the first company dumb enough to attempt a lawsuit, nor would they be the first to spend tons of money on zero results.

A Primer on Parody Laws:

It has been a long-standing practice to poke fun at our cultural icons, symbols, public figures and celebrities. A parody exists when one imitates a serious piece of work, such as literature, music or artwork, for a humorous or satirical effect. Parody, as a method of criticism, has been a very popular means for authors, entertainers and advertisers to communicate a particular message or point of view to the public.

A parody, because it is a method of criticism, must inevitably make use of another creative work. This inherently creates a conflict between the creator of the work that is being parodied (as no one likes to be criticized, made fun of or ridiculed) and the creator of the parody. It is also highly unlikely that a copyright owner will grant permission or a license to a parodist to use their copyright protected work in creating a parody.

Since copyright law prohibits the substantial use of a copyrighted work without permission of the copyright owner, and because such permission is highly unlikely when the use is to create a parody, it may be necessary for the parodist to rely on the fair-use defense to forestall any liability for copyright infringement. However, the fair-use defense if successful will only be successful when the newly created work that purports itself to be parody is a valid parody.