Top 10 Lists From the Distant Future

Posted by Chris Jensen | Apr. 28, 2008 10:54AM PST | 1392 views | 0 comments

FILED UNDER: Features, Humor.

Top 10 Lists From the Distant Future

Apparently, Top 10 Lists have not lost the ability to generate readership in the future, as evidenced by my recent time-hopping adventures that found me securing a few lists from popular publications.

 

Top 10 Unintentional Consequences of Being Immortal

1. No one can figure out when Social Security begins.

2. Recent Gamma-Ray Burst has charred Earth, making life here unappealing.

3. “Till death do us part” needs some re-wording.

4. Ancient videogames that allowed your character to die are seeing a massive wave of nostalgia.

5. You've surfed every page on Universe-Net.

6. No easy answer for the question, “What's the worst that could happen?”

7. You're bored.

8. The word “procrastination” has lost all meaning.

9. Everything that annoys you will annoy you forever.

10. What hell is going to happen when the Universe collapses?

 

Top 10 Things That Suck About Your Clone

1. You call your dog's name, but he goes to You #2

2. Your clone remains chained to your marital obligations.

3. You remain responsible for your clone's crimes.

4. One man, four votes.

5. Your clone achieves more than you.

6. You get sick of looking at yourself.

7. Abolishment of the Clone Slave Trade.

8. You play yourself at chess, which ends in a stalemate.

9. You know the punchline of every joke.

10. Double your tax-rate for every clone.

 

Top 10 Things We Hate About Quantum Teleportation

1. You wind up in Paris, Texas instead of Paris, France

2. Can't blame traffic for arriving late at work.

3. When the technician says, “This may be slightly uncomfortable.”

4. Re-integrating.

5. Pod-to-Pod salesmen.

6. Archaic jokes from the ancient movie “The Fly”.

7. Climate shock.

8. Time acclimation.

9. Customer service is located on Mars.

10. Getting concert tickets is impossible.

 

Top 10 Annoying Things About Apple's iBo-t

1. The annoying smile it displays when you do something stupid.

2. Why does it have to look like Steve Jobs?

3. Can't upload your music library unless licensed by Apple's codec.

4. No modding allowed.

5. Those stupid “Hi, I'm iBo-t” and “Hi, I'm MicroBot” virtual-commercials.

6. After 6 generations of iBo-t's, it still can't navigate a retro-volving door.

7. Jealousy bug still not solved.

8. It still can't BBQ.

9. No 3rd-party batteries.

10. No open-source command codes.

 

Top 10 Messages Received from Colony Ship Phoenix-3

1. “They taste like chicken.”

2. “We've found paradise, located at----END OF TRANSMISSION.”

3. “Our Apple iBo-t's are rebelling and they say they have a plan!”

4. “Apparently their civilization has learned English from ancient television transmissions, primarily from MTV, which has seriously hampered their intellectual growth.”

5. “Our archeo-bots have uncovered a 3,000'-tall statue of Elvis.”

6. “The central computer has developed the annoying ability to read lips.”

7. “That's no moon.”

8. “...tractor beams are stronger than we thought...”

9. “Son-of-a-bitch, the Vogons aren't fiction.”

10. “CSP-3 calling Earth Command, come in Earth. CSP-3 calling Earth Command, come in Earth. Earth, are you there? Earth, do you read? Earth?”

(Source: InfoAddict Original)

Tags future, lists, top 10