10 Organizations That Should Condemn Grand Theft Auto IV

Posted by Chris Jensen | May. 05, 2008 10:56AM PST | 2171 views | 0 comments

FILED UNDER: Features, Humor. Games.

If nothing else, Grand Theft Auto IV is a great media gateway for organizations to get free television time to spout their respective outrage towards the contents of the game. We've already had Mothers Against Drunk Driving issue a statement and some immigrant organization is bent out of shape, but I've come up with a list of 10 groups that have been suspiciously silent.

1. DMV

The Department of Motor Vehicles should condemn GTA IV for its horrible portrayal of licensed drivers. Apparently, the Liberty City branch of the DMV will give a license to anyone, evidenced by the total lack of Student Driver vehicles on city streets. In Liberty City, if you can afford the fee, you get a license. Simple as that.

 

2. Car Hood Association

The manufacturers of car hoods should immediately release a statement condemning the unfair portrayal of their product. The designers of GTA IV would have you believe that car hoods can unhinge at the slightest bump and fly-off, causing potential harm to nearby pedestrians and motorists. This is simply not true and casts car hoods in a very poor light.

 

3. Association of Pedestrians

In these days of rising gas prices, we're bound to see more pedestrians walking along city streets. The Association of Pedestrians should immediately call for a news conference and attack the portrayal of pedestrians in GTA IV, lest drivers begin to fear them in the real-world. GTA IV wants you to believe that the average pedestrian is a clueless moron, unable to see a car careening towards him or her at 120 mph. GTA pedestrians have terrible dexterity and tend to run down busy streets when frightened, compounding their limited chance at survival. Worst of all, GTA pedestrians are impossibly resilient, able to sustain multiple vehicular impacts before ultimately dying, something the Association of Pedestrians should strongly deny.

 

4. The American Association of Anger Management Providers

The citizens of Liberty City are pissed off. I don't mean a group here or there, I mean the entire population, every last one of them. Everyone is angry about everything. They bitch and moan when they stroll down a sidewalk. They complain to themselves when gazing at a beautiful sunset while visiting the beach. All this pent up rage manifests in a variety of ways, from random fistfights to aggressive driving. What this all means is that Anger Management facilities in Liberty City have failed in spectacular fashion, making the whole concept of this therapeutic practice appear like a total sham.

 

5. National Association of Security Guards

The NASG should immediately condemn GTA IV for its incredibly irresponsible portrayal of security guards. Guards in Liberty City lack fundamental observation skills, showing a total inability to spot a man walking into a building with an assault weapon held in both hands. Worse, the fact that the weapon-toting man ran over three pedestrians right outside is not presented as a possible warning sign of impending danger.

 

6. International Door Association

The International Door Association has never had their image tested before, but GTA IV throws down the gauntlet and demands a fight. The IDA wants you reassured that yes, doors in real-life do indeed open and, more often than not, will lead somewhere. GTA IV insults door manufacturers everywhere by criticizing the very functionality of a door, something that could lead to people using doors less often in real-life. The IDA cites a recent report on GTA players that clearly indicates that gamers are more likely to try and open doors within the first 10 minutes of playing but, realizing that 95% of the game's doors don't go anywhere, soon abandon all future attempts.

 

7. Toll Booth Workers Union

The Toll Booth Workers Union should be outraged at their presentation in GTA IV. Admit it, the first couple of times you arrived at the toll booth in GTA, you actually stopped and paid. Later, you hit top speed and just barreled right through, realizing the cops would never catch you while saving $5 in the process. This is a dangerous idea that could lead to total anarchy!

 

8. Wallet Manufacturers Association

The wallet has been around for a long time and is usually portrayed in a positive light, but GTA IV drags its heritage and reputation through the mud. A wallet has a simple purpose: hold money. Unfortunately, the designers of GTA IV would have you believe that wallets don't actually hold money very well, evidenced by struck pedestrians usually dropping a few piles of bundled cash on a city street.

 

9. Parking Enforcement Trade Union

Parking enforcement officers have always had a negative image, but GTA IV issues the ultimate insult by simply not including any form of parking enforcement whatsoever. In Liberty City you can park wherever the hell you want with no repercussion. There's no meters anywhere to be found and parking spaces on side streets simply don't exist. Worse, there are no red curbs in front of fire hydrants, making the entire portrayal of parking enforcement a laughable sham that sends the wrong message to impressionable youngsters who may disregard real-life golf-cart driving cops.

 

10. Airbag Manufacturers

The manufacturers of vehicular airbags should be irate at their snubbing in GTA IV. Like parking enforcement, there are no airbags installed on any of the cars in Liberty City, including all the newest models. This is a total disregard of federal law and is very irresponsible. If there's one city that truly demands airbags, its Liberty City. Statistically, there are over 2000 drivers deaths each day in Liberty City that could have easily been avoided by the installation of an airbag.

Tags playstation 3, xbox 360, gta iv, grand theft auto, rockstar games, lists