Apple can’t keep up with the demand for the iPad in the United States and is currently rolling out its European debut of the product, so the last thing Apple needs is a new retail partner to sell more product, especially Wal-Mart.  Senior vice-president of entertainment at Wal-Mart told Bloomberg, “We anticipate being able to have the iPad later this year.” An announcement is expected later today that will explain Wal-Mart’s intentions to expand their electronics division, though a specific iPad announcement will probably be a few weeks, if not months, away.

Source

Tyra Banks, known for standing in front of camera while technicians, make-up artists, Photoshoppers and photographers apply their trade, has just announced that she is writing a series of fantasy books for Random House. The title of the series is Modelland. Her announcement so disturbed me that I felt compelled to analyze her every word. Suffer along with me, won’t you?

Let’s start with the title of her post:

“Bankable Books”

Right out of the gate she considers herself a bankable author. Now that’s hubris. What’s worse, Bankable Books is the name of her new imprint. Bennett Cerf is rolling over in his grave.

I’m so EXCITED!! I said I was going to do it, and here it is!  It’s for all the girls and guys who want a lot more FANTASY in their lives…  and some fierceness and magic, romance and mystery, crazy and wild adventures, and yeah, some danger too.  It’s my novel called Modelland (pronounced “Model Land”) that takes you to a fantastical place you’ve never seen, or heard about, or read about before… Where dreams come true and life can change in the blink of a smoky eye. 

I like how she has to explain the pronunciation of Modelland. Judging by her potential readers, that was probably a wise idea. Her use of ALL-C APS at key moments indicates she may have a more lucrative career as an spam copywriter.

I think Modelland is going to really touch the dreamer in all of us, whether you’re aged anywhere from 8 to 80. (Please don’t be mad if you’re 7 or 81, but “eight to eighty” sounds better!)

Well, she’s reaching a pretty huge demographic there, you have to give her props for marketing savvy. And oh! The humor there at the end. I’m still wiping away the tears.

I hope it’s a story everyone will fall in love with.  And I know my partners at Random House (whom I love, BTW) are hoping you like it too, since we’re doing not one but a series of THREE Modelland books.  Hey, I think you’re going to have fun following the lives of the characters…  I won’t tell you their names YET, but I can tell you many of them are based on the real people in my life as well as some of the models I’ve known – both nice and “ice” (Brrrrr…..).

She loves her partners at Random House, btw. Well of course she does. They are paying her who knows how much to write a series of fantasy books called Modelland. She can’t tell us the character’s name yet because that is a closely-guarded secret, much like the iPhone 4G.  Apparently, the book will also include sound effects like “Brrrrrr.”

The story happens in a make-believe place called Modelland – every girl in the world wants to go there because it’s where “Intoxibellas” are trained.  Intoxibellas are drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce and, yeah, maybe they have some powers too.  (But I’m confirming NOTHING! Ha. You gotta wait for the book.)  The story follows a teen girl and her friends who find themselves magically transported to Modelland, even though they’re really not supposed to be there. (Okay, now, that’s ALL I’m saying!)

A place of make-believe. Who even uses that term anymore? Intoxibellas? Not Anorexicions? She is so coy, she won’t confirm powers!1!1 “Magically transported.” As if there is any other way to arrive at a place of make-believe. Tyra almost gives the entire plot away, but stops herself short, thank-fucking-Zeus, because I do not want to know any spoilers!

Modelland has always been a part of my mind and my heart.  As you might know, I step into a bookstore and I shake (really!) because I love books so much.  Ever since I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to pick up a new book and see what worlds the writers had created for me. I especially loved books with strong girls and women – you know, girls with guts, smarts and attitude – and then one day it came to me… MODELLAND!   I’m getting it ready for you through my new division called Bankable Books and now I’m shaking for a different reason…  I’m excited that you’ll be able to read about this magical world that’s been living in my dreams for so many years.

So, look out for some special things I’ll be doing here at Tyra.com to start getting you ready for Modelland.  And stay tuned for more news from my company, Bankable Enterprises, where we live, eat, breathe, sleep and DREAM about ways to expand the definition of beauty!  I can’t wait for us live the dream of Modelland together!

She loves books so much she shakes? One day it just struck her…Modelland! I’m sure it was akin to when Middle-Earth struck Tolkien. Now she’s shaking because she’s making this announcement. Tyra needs Xanax.  So this make-believe place, this Modelland, where models go to get super-powers or some bullshit, this is what is in Tyra’s dreams at night? Screw the Xanax, she may need to be committed. Ahh, but all great artists are crazy.

I can’t wait to live the dream of Modelland. And play the inevitable video game. And watch the inevitable movie directed by either Brett Ratner or Michael Bay.

Me not want to exist anymore.

Here’s her original post if you want more suffering. And by suffering I mean: read the comments of her fans.

The new F-You to gamers comes in the form of Online Pass. Here’s the deal. When you buy a used EA game, you will only be able to try multiplayer for a 7-day trial. If you would like to continue after 7 days, EA wants you pay an additional $10. This is EA’s horrible attempt to squeeze more money out of used games because, apparently, the initial retail price wasn’t enough.

I think I speak for all gamers when I say, “Fuck you, EA.” A little more nonsense like this and the industry will soon find itself regulated by the government.

Here is the latest EA FAQ on the matter:

How do I unlock my Online Pass access code?
When you connect online with your new EA SPORTS game for the first time, you’ll be prompted to confirm your EA account details.  If you don’t already have an EA account, you’ll be asked to accept our Online Terms and Conditions and then create an account.  After confirming or creating your account, a screen will appear that enables you to redeem your Online Pass code.

If you haven’t already enabled Online Pass, when you try to access an online feature in your game, you will be prompted to enter your code.  If you do not have a code, you may purchase Online Pass access from within the game.  If you’re not sure online is for you, you can enjoy a temporary free trial before purchasing access.

Where do I find the Online Pass access code?
The code is on the back of the manual inside your game.  When you open the package, you’ll see the game disc on the right.  On the left you will find the game manual along with other printed material.  Flip the manual over, and you’ll see the code at the top of the back page.

If I have a used game, how will I know if the access code that came with the game still works?
Your Online Pass code comes with the original retail purchase of the game.  If the original consumer of the game did not use the Online Pass code, the second-hand consumer may use that code.

Does one Online Pass give me online access to all EA SPORTS titles?
In order to access online features and bonus content for a specific title, you need to activate or purchase Online Pass for each title.  A code to activate Online Pass is found on the back of the manual of each EA SPORTS title purchased new.

How do I buy online access or get a code if I do not have a one or my code has already been used?
If you have purchased a new game, your code is printed on the back of the manual included inside your game packaging.  If you have purchased a used game and the code originally included has already been activated, you will need to purchase EA SPORTS Online Pass access from within your game by choosing PURCHASE ONLINE ACCESS from the Code Redemption screen.

Can I buy my code from ea.com or is it only available via Microsoft and Sony?
An Online Pass needs to be purchased through Xbox LIVE Marketplace or PlayStation®Store.  You can purchase Online Pass access from within your game by choosing PURCHASE ONLINE ACCESS from the Code Redemption screen.

How do I unlock my code once I buy it?
If you have a code for EA SPORTS Online Pass access, you will be prompted to enter the code when you access an online feature in your game.  If you have purchased online access from within your game, you do not need to enter a code.

Do I still need to buy an Xbox LIVE gold subscription to use online features?
Yes, multiplayer online game modes require an Xbox LIVE Gold subscription for gamers playing on Xbox 360 consoles.

What online features will work if I don’t subscribe to Xbox LIVE Gold?
You will be able to enjoy all the offline content of your game and will be able to download other items from the in-game store.  You will be unable to play multiplayer online game modes or use your downloaded content in online game modes.

Excluding multiplayer online gameplay, some online features, on a game-by-game basis may be available for use without a Gold subscription.

What happens if my console dies or is lost or stolen?
If you have already redeemed the code from your game manual or purchased Online Pass access, you will be able to access online features from any console using the same Xbox 360 gamer tag or Playstation3 persona.  You may need to go to the ‘my downloaded content’ section in Xbox LIVE Marketplace or PSN Store to re-download your EA SPORTS Online Pass.

Can I still buy downloadable content without activation of an Online Pass?
Yes.  If you do not have Xbox LIVE Gold access, you will only be able to use downloadable content in offline game modes.

Can I still get free downloadable game add-ons?
Yes, you may still download game add-ons such as EA Sports Ultimate Team (when applicable).   However, if you do not have Xbox LIVE Gold access or EA SPORTS Online Pass access, you will only be able to use downloadable content in offline game modes.

What if I’m not connected to the Internet?
An internet connection is required to activate the Online Pass and to gain access to bonus content.

Do I need to purchase an Online Pass when I rent a game?
Each Xbox LIVE gamertag or Sony PSN ID is entitled to a free 7 day trial per title.  Beyond that, users will be required to redeem or purchase Online Pass access.

Do I need an unique Online Pass for every user on my console?
No.  One Online Pass will give online access to multiple users logged into the console where the Online Pass was first activated (subject to the console manufacturer’s and EA online terms of service).

Also, the user that activated the Online Pass will be allowed to access online features on other consoles (of the same manufacturer) by logging into the same account credentials that they used when they enabled the Online Pass.

What happens if I play at a friend’s console?
If you have purchased Online Pass access or redeemed a code for free access on one console, you can use your access on any other console.  To do so, sign in using your Xbox LIVE gamertag or PSN ID persona on your friend’s console when playing online.

Wherever Derek Smart goes, trouble soon follows. Don’t know who Derek Smart is? You’re lucky. Derek Smart is a game designer and producer, known more for his self-deluded impressions of his own abilities than any actual product. He has long been known for writing barely readable rants that attack players, the industry, co-workers and investors. He is constantly being sued by someone or something and despite it all, seriously believes he is infallible and that all of his troubles are the result of other people and not his own failings as a person. Derek Smart was responsible for one of the worst games of all time, Battlecruiser 3000, a game that shipped in the 90s that literally did not work, despite years of hype and promises.

Derek Smart is a joke, perhaps the least liked individual in the industry, so it was with great shock and liberal doses of amusement that I recently noticed that Quest Online hired Derek Smart to be their new president, which has to rank up there with BP’s decision not to install safety valves. Quest Online is behind the MMO Alganon, which in its own right is an industry joke because the game was found to be stealing art assets from World of Warcraft, including elements of the interface, with plenty of indications that specific pieces of art had been literally copy-and-pasted. So Derek comes in as president, immediately gets into pissing match with David Allen, then president, which leads to Allen’s firing with Smart assuming the command chair. That was only a few weeks ago.

On April 19th, Derek Smart posted one of his typical rants on his blog, directly aimed at David Allen, who he eventually replaced at Quest Online. I’d post some of it here but Derek is already threatening to sue people who repost it, so follow this link for a good laugh.

So what’s happening now? Now it has been discovered that Quest Online is stealing Press Releases and not even bothering to re-write any words, as discovered by F13 and KittenRats.

Remember this statement from the Alganon press release? Note it is dated Wednesday, April 28, 2010.

“Traditionally, massively multiplier online games have been about three basic gameplay pillars – combat, exploration and character progression,” Derek Smart continued. “In Alganon, in addition to these we’ve added the fourth pillar to the equation; a story. We delivered a fun, immersive adventure that gamers expect in a top quality massively multiplayer online game. To top it all off, we’re not done yet. A whole new adventure with new updates will follow soon, starting with a consignment house, new classes, PvP and much more.”

Now check out this statement from the SWTOR folks, dated October 21, 2008.

“Traditionally, massively multiplayer online games have been about three basic gameplay pillars – combat, exploration and character progression,” said Dr. Ray Muzyka, Co-Founder and General Manager/CEO of BioWare and General Manager/Vice President of Electronic Arts Inc., “In Star Wars: The Old Republic, we’re fusing BioWare’s heritage of critically-acclaimed storytelling with the amazing pedigree of Lucasfilm and LucasArts, and adding a brand-new fourth pillar to the equation – story. At the same time, we will still deliver all the fun features and activities that fans have come to expect in a AAA massively multiplayer online game. To top it all off, Star Wars: The Old Republic is set in a very exciting, dynamic period in the Star Wars universe.”

Derek Smart has this to say: “While I’m certain that there is a reasonable explanation for the similarities in the releases, I simply do not want to speculate but only to say that we are going to investigate this tomorrow.” Smart says he will issue an official statement sometime next week “once I have all the facts.”

Keep on keeping on, Derek, at least your behind-the-scenes antics are more entertaining than your games. A couple more failures under your belt and you’ll be ready to transition into banking, where you’ll finally be richly rewarded for incompetence.

As of this moment, security on the Apple iPhone and iPad involves punching in 4 numbers and that’s it. Not the strongest mode of security I’ve ever seen, but hell, it sure beats entering a CAPTCHA every time you power-up your phone. Well, get ready for something completely different in the next iPhone, as the rumored 4G may have a cardiac sensor that detects the owner’s heartbeat, which it uses to identity the user, locking out all others.

Source: US Patent Office

Haliburton, the second largest oilfield services company on the planet, once headed by vice-president Dick Cheney, is rearing its head once again as a likely culprit in the ongoing Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Yes, this is the same Haliburton that broke federal trade barriers in Iraq and Libya, received countless no-bid contracts, paid a Nigerian official $2.4-million in bribes to receive favorable tax treatment, was awarded a $345-million contract to build internment camps on American soil, intentionally overcharged the military (and you) for fuel, and more recently, has been implicated in the oil spill in the Timor Sea in 2009 for improper cementing.

Let me repeat that: Improper cementing.

Haliburton supplied the concrete for the Gulf of Mexico oil rig.

From the L.A. Times:

After an exploration well is drilled, cement slurry is pumped through a steel pipe or casing and out through a check valve at the bottom of the casing. It then travels up the outside of the pipe, sheathing the part of the pipe surrounded by the oil and gas zone. When the cement hardens, it is supposed to prevent oil or gas from leaking into adjacent zones along the pipe.

As the cement sets, the check valve at the end of the casing prevents any material from flowing back up the pipe. The zone is thus isolated until the company is ready to start production.

The process is tricky. A 2007 study by the U.S. Minerals Management Service found that cementing was the single most-important factor in 18 of 39 well blowouts in the Gulf of Mexico over a 14-year period.

“What we do know is that highly pressurized oil is coming out of the wellhead with no control possible at this time,” said Richard Charter, a drilling expert with the Defenders of Wildlife. “For that to happen, at least three redundant fail-safe mechanisms on and below the rig had to either fail to operate or not have been properly installed.”

Charter said a piece of equipment known as the blowout preventer is required to shut automatically, according to regulations by the Minerals Management Service. “And it obviously did not,” he said.

The Supreme Court of the United States, a name that has always struck me as a little egotistical, has agreed to hear landmark video game case that could seriously impact the industry.

Both Attorney General Jerry Brown and governor Arnorld Schwarzenegger have both argued that video games should be treated like pornography, allowing the state to restrict the sale of games to children. Opposing this argument is the Entertainment Merchants Association and the Entertainment Software Association, which includes such members as Sony, Microsoft and Electronic Arts.

From Bloomberg:

Originally meant to take effect in 2006, the California law would require violent video games to be labeled, and it banned their sale or rental to anyone under 18.

The justices deferred taking action on the state’s appeal for seven months, while they considered a First Amendment clash over a federal law aimed at depictions of animal cruelty. The court struck down that law in an 8-1 ruling last week.

Eight other jurisdictions, including six states, have passed laws restricting sales of violent video games, according to Sean Bersell, a spokesman for the Entertainment Merchants Association. All have been struck down in court, he said.

The California case will be decided in the court’s next term that begins in October.

The case is Schwarzenegger v. Video Software Dealers, 08- 1448.